Before you get all hot and bothered about my seemingly negative post, stop. Take a deep breath. There’s a valuable lesson here. And it’s not as negative as you may think.
First, I was raised with a healthy viewpoint that people mostly want to do good. I don’t think that most people intend harm. It’s just a bi-product of selfish decisions.
Second, this is one of the most valuable and difficult lessons I’ve learned in business so far. I “discovered” it first a few years back and was reminded just a few days ago during a phone conversation with a potential partner.
I had a phone call with a gentleman that came as a referral from a friend. He is doing some cool things in his industry and wants to expand into my specialties. He was proposing we work together. He claims to have relationships that will make the new venture soar. But he needs my brain and body to make it work. Sounds good. And sounds all too familiar.
The lesson is: don’t trust a bloody soul…
…until a person proves to you personally that they can be trusted. And even then, keep a sharp eye out. Does that mean you should live your entire life suspicious? Yes, if you want to protect your family and fortune. Isn’t that a stressful and lonely life? Maybe. But having your fortune sucked away from you because you trusted someone who didn’t (or couldn’t) fulfill a promise… That is guaranteed stressful!
I have had several important people in my life at various times promise great things to me. And in my ignorance and naivety, I believed them. Two particularly stand out. Both meant good. No doubt in my mind. They promised me the world because they wanted to see me succeed. Then in one situation, the circumstances changed and the person made a decision to protect personal interests over mine. In the other case, the person was incapable (or unwilling) to do what it took to fulfill the promises. Both left me with years “lost” and not much to show for it.
I am not resentful of either. Sad and a bit hurt at the time. Maybe still a little. But they did not intend harm. And I was immature. I don’t trust people anymore. Oh, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I let them try. I urge them. Encourage them. Even invest in them. But I refuse to stake my own family and fortune on someone else fulfilling a promise. They will almost always be too slow, too sloppy, or too selfish. If I base my success on them, I lose. Every time.
The bigger lesson is: everyone acts out of self-interest, not you-interest…no matter what they say
Many people dream bigger than their capabilities (good) and don’t control their tongue (bad). Promises are easily made and more easily broken. My phone call this week was wrought with promises and claims of grandeur. My response was, “Okay, sounds good. What’s your next step?” If he is a man that lives up to his word, then he will respond. And we’ll move to the next step. Until then, I’m not banking on this “new and exciting project” to do anything for me. It’s his move. I know who I am and what I have–you prove yourself to me.
I can only control what I do. So while other people make bold claims and empty promises, I will be quietly moving myself forward. Making claims and promises only when I know I can meet them. Building fences and walls to protect what I’ve built. If others help, excellent. But if not, I must continue to build with my own two hands.
This post may scare you from ever working with me, or even talking to me! Don’t let it. I’m one of the best people you can work with. I don’t make promises I can’t keep (okay, I may slip up occasionally when I get excited), I work hard to meet commitments I do make, I push you to meet your promises, and I cautiously enter new relationships to protect myself and those close, and I am a man of action, not just words. I’m not a pessimist, I’m an optimist with experience.
Final thought. I’m in the throes of building a business plan for investors. This lesson is invaluable during the process. I’m trying to maintain the balance between bragging about how awesome the product is and realistic expectations. Investors don’t want hype and promises; they want money. They want tangible, practical projections and a company (and leader) they can’t count on. I’m hoping the hard lessons from the past help solidify the future.